In my private practice, one of the things that comes up with clients quite frequently is a need to cut cords with people in their lives. Some people already have an understanding of this and how to go about doing it, but for some, this can be a totally new concept. So, I want to take a few minutes to explain what cords are, how to cut them and why you should know about it.
First of all, when I talk about cords, what I’m talking about is really more of an energetic tube that connects between two people and allows energy to flow in both directions. Whenever we have a relationship with another person, in any capacity, these cords or tubes get created because there is always an energy exchange that occurs. This is true however a relationship is created – through business, friendship, love, parent-child or other family dynamics, or even through contentious or adversarial types of associations. Whenever there is an exchange between two people, a cord is created that energy runs through in both directions.
As you might guess, we create these cords almost constantly. And a lot of them stick with us for a long time. Quite a lot of them will stay with us forever, unless we actively choose to disconnect them. However, many do fall away more naturally. For example, when you have an exchange with the mail carrier, you may create a cord between you two, but it will likely fall away as soon as you walk away. That is unless there is a particular emotional attachment (positive or negative) that you hold for the mail carrier. If this is the case, you will likely stay corded to him or her.
So, you’re probably getting the picture that the intensity of the emotion you feel has something to do with the cords you create. That is true. You can create stronger cords and multiple cords when you feel particularly emotional about another person and you can re-cord with the same person, even after you have consciously cut cords with them.
So, why do we cord with others and why would we need to cut cords?
We cord with others because we are made of energy and that is the way we interact with others, through an exchange of energy. The more intense the feelings we have for another, the more energy we build up between us and the more energy we exchange. This is normal. This is how we find people, lifetime after lifetime, through our energy signatures and exchanges. We feed others with our energy and allow others to feed us with theirs.
So, what could the problem with that be?
Well, the problems come in when people become overly dependent on one other’s energies, or when one or both of the people consciously want to move on from the relationship but feel stuck, or continually doomed to repeating the same negative patterns with each other. Sometimes, the cord becomes less of an energy “exchange” and more of an energy “suck” or “draw” when one person is more needy than the other. Sometimes you feel tied to another person from your past and just know that you need to leave them in the past. Sometimes you may even want to continue a relationship with another, but need to hit the “reset” button to get rid of old energy exchange patterns and begin new ones so the relationship can become more healthy. Sometimes you may even need to cut the cords with people who have passed on, to release them and allow them to move on and give yourself freedom to heal from the grief of the loss. In this case, cutting cords is absolutely one of the kindest and most loving things you can do, for them and for you.
These (and many other individual and unique circumstances) are all cases where cords need to be cut. It is often surprising just how much healing can begin when you start with cutting cords.
You may be asking yourself if there is ever a time when you shouldn’t cut cords with someone. I answer that question in Part Two of this series. Part Three covers how to cut your cords.